The night I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, my world seemed to tilt. From an oddly reassuring comment by my consultant – 'If you're going to get cancer, this is the best to have' – to the inward implosion of thoughts about mortality and the future, the journey was tumultuous.
Suddenly, from zero knowledge of anything cancerous, I found myself hyperfocusing on every detail of prostate cancer and its treatments. Thankfully, my last scan showed it's all gone, and a close monitoring period awaits.
But that word 'cancer' – it truly did me in. I grappled with fears of dying, sexual dysfunction, and even the prospect of wearing nappies before turning sixty. My life took a turn; I grew closer to my children and rewrote my will.
My head was frazzled and I lost my focus. Out went the gym sessions that had helped me lose 10kgs in three months. After the first biopsy, I was advised not to ride a bike for a while. I still haven't gone back into the saddle. I ended the year heavier than the start of the year. I'm dealing with it now, but as setbacks go, this was a big one. This year, expect lots of news about treadmills, steps, and healthy food!
In this journey, guilt also found its way in. I have three close friends in long-term cancer battles, one unlikely to see out 2024. Telling them about my diagnosis felt like a betrayal, and for one, words still fail me.
Then there's the waiting period – the worst of it all. Knowing I had prostate cancer but not its aggressiveness was a month-long ordeal. Despite knowing the low risk, the fear of imminent death was overwhelming.
This personal battle has illuminated the stark contrast between terminal and low-risk cancer, underscoring the debate about renaming the latter. It's about communication – helping the public understand that not all cancers are the same and that a diagnosis, while serious, doesn't always spell immediate danger.
Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in UK men, with around 52,300 new cases each year. The survival rates are encouraging, at over 97%.
The debate on redefining low-risk cancers, led by figures like Dr. Laura J. Esserman, is about ethical responsibility. It's about using terms like 'metastasise' judiciously to prevent unnecessary psychological and physical strain from invasive treatments.
Understanding terms like 'cancer' and 'metastasis' is crucial after a diagnosis. Cancer refers to diseases with abnormal cell growth with the potential to invade or spread. Metastasis means the spread of cancer cells to other body parts. Clarifying these terms helped me. I guess I'm someone who needs facts to help work something through.
If I've learned one thing, public health initiatives should focus on risk communication, especially for low-level cancers. By categorising some as benign and educating on the differences between low-risk and no-risk, we can reassure people that not all cancers pose the same threat.
In the end, it's about living life with wonder and curiosity. Holding loved ones close, engaging in simple health practices, and maintaining communication – not just about medical facts but experiences, fears, and hopes. In this shared understanding and support, we find we're not alone in our battles.
I bought a massive Christmas tree this year. Every day I switched the lights on, I thought how good it was to be alive. Here's to 2024.
Much love,
Tom x
Two New Year Bargains
Downsizing, the book about weight loss that I need to re-read, is bargain of the month on Kindle for only 99p. That gives me zero pence in royalties, but if it helps you on a health journey, that’s enough for me.
There’s an even better bargain for Spotify users. The House, our political thriller, is free for subscribers. Rory Kinnear beautifully narrates it. Friends usually say, “I actually really liked that book”, with some surprise.
Reading
The Poet - Michael Connelly. He’s such a brilliant writer is our Michael Connelly. He tells a good story, packed with technical detail to help a plot emerge into reality. This book marks a departure from Connelly's famous Harry Bosch and Lincoln Lawyer series. Instead, this novel introduces readers to Crime Reporter Jack McEvoy. The story is narrated primarily from McEvoy's first-person perspective. I like it.
Watching
The Steeltown murders is a dramatisation of a real story of the hunt for a serial killer. What makes this such compelling viewing is exceptional acting. I binged watched it on iPlayer. Other than the Slow Horses, this was the best of Christmas viewing.
Poem of the week
When You are Old
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
WB Yeats
It’s the third line in the second stanza that stood out the first time I read it. I’ve loved the poem ever sense.
Extract of the Week
“She made no effort to get things round her . .. She didn't struggle and strain to buy things and then care for them more than life itself. She didn't go all out after fine clothes, clothes that beautify what is ugly and evil.
She was misunderstood and abandoned even by her husband. She had lost six children, but not her sociable ways. She was a stranger to her sisters and sisters-in-law, a ridiculous creature who stupidly worked for others without pay. She didn't accumulate property against the day she died. A dirty-white goat, a gammy-legged cat, some rubber plants ...
We had all lived side by side with her and never understood that she was that righreous one without whom, as the proverb says, no village can stand. Nor any city. Nor our whole land.”
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Matryona’s House
We all have Matryonas in our orbit—people whose selflessness, humility, and resilience go unnoticed. Despite facing personal adversities and living without material wealth or recognition, they nurture the non-material ethics necessary for the sustenance and well-being of society.
Their quiet contributions are the foundations of the moral health of a community, and by extension, the world. We enrich ourselves if we take a look our for them.
Great read Tom - and good luck with the diagnosis
Hi Tom, thanks for writing & sharing this. Glad your results are now clear, but couldn’t agree more regarding the need to communicate more clearly the risks and also the causes. Prevention and early diagnosis are critical for patient outcomes. My Mum has had bladder cancer for 15 years. It’s one of those cancers you never get an all clear for. It’s now terminal. Caused by passive smoking, so completely preventable by communication and education. Cherish your family and those you love. Keep doing what you do and saying what you say. Best of everything for 2024!